So, yeah, this is a "grad student blog," yet all I seem to be blogging about lately is running and random stuff. There is sort of a reason for that: I've been avoiding blogging about work.
"Work" these days can be roughly split into two parts: work here, and work relating back to grad school town.
Work here is going ok; it is a steep incline for now as I am adjusting, but I am learning a lot, even though it is going slower than I'd like. I think it will all be good in the long run (fingers crossed).
Work "back there" is... well... reminding me of why I have wanted out all along. I am still trying to figure out what the right balance is of getting some credit for what I have accomplished there vs. cutting my losses to preserve what is left of my sanity. The sad thing is that grad school doesn't need to be a vicious cycle of stress and depression, but for some crazy reason I don't understand, it is. I am just glad I have finally figured out the importance of damage control. Woosa.
The perverse incentives of academia
6 years ago
10 comments:
I'm not sure why grad school culture is like this. It seems to be that way with everyone I know. It's periods of great stress followed by lots of meh. I don't know how else to describe it. There doesn't seem to be the great highs to go with the great amounts of stress. I'm glad that you have figured out how to do damage control for yourself. And that it keeps you sane. :-)
Word.
Maybe they try to make grad school as depressing as possible so that when you escape anything seems better than it? Who knows. I'm going to go 'meh' around now.
What do you mean by cutting your losses? Finishing your Ph.D. somewhere else?
Amanda - I have watched myself turn from a happy, healthy person into a depressed, liveless one in the first few years of grad school. I have been working on reversing this ever since; I am not completely there, but at least I recognize the triggers!
AA - word.
Hermitage - or it could be hazing. Actually, I keep getting told that things "only get harder" after grad school, which I disregard as a bunch of bs at the moment.
Jennie - I have considered it, but it would be too difficult and I would have to go through some serious confrontation to get there. Instead, I am pondering on how involved I want to stay on my old projects, where involvement comes with all the unnecessary stress. Perhaps trying to wrap some of them up as soon as possible and focusing on my thesis is the thing to do, even though it may result in fewer publications and less "breadth."
i think hazing is the appropriate term! things around here are 'meh' too.
hopefully you can resolve some projects and get out soon!
Quiet - thanks! Hope your 'meh' is short-lived also!
"Breadth" is overrated, and sanity is underrated. Get out of there with the more important one!
That's a pretty accurate description of my grad school experience. I think part of the reason for the "meh" of grad school is because it's a training period during which you have very little autonomy or control over your own path. And at least in my field, what one does in grad school is usually not what one ends up working on as faculty, and often not something that's terribly exciting.
For what it's worth, my experience has been that things get better after grad school, and lots better once you're in your first permanent, non-training position. Glad to hear things are going well at work, and good luck with the decision about grad school stuff.
Rebecca - thanks for the advice! I have started realizing how true it is.
MadHatter - I am glad to hear that things get better, at least for some people! The people I am around now seem to enjoy their jobs, so I am trying to learn from them. This in itself is a big improvement from being surrounded by discouraged grad students!
Post a Comment