I thought returning to work by day and taking care of a two months old by night was difficult enough, even though we were approaching the tail-end of the colicky cry-multiple-hours-a-night stage. And then my poor little Dovie got sick.
Lots of crying, lots of worrying, and many visits to the pediatrician (and even more daily check-ins via phone) later, she is getting better. It is so good to see her smile again, but man, it has been a rough few weeks. Don't even ask me how much sleep we've been getting around here.
Work... well, it's been interesting. It is good to be back at work and feel something move in my brain; it is bad to feel guilty for actually wanting to be away from my tiny baby for a few hours here and there just to give myself this outlet. My brain feels rusty, and the sleep deprivation is taking its toll on my productivity, but I am trying to slug along at least at a turtle's pace. It will be a busy summer with a very crucial deadline in the early fall, which I really need to hit, and hit well. At this pace, I am worried that might not happen...
Apologies for being a bad bloggy citizen; I have had to cut out everything that is not absolutely essential to physical survival (and I have not had a chance to even consider what is needed for mental survival). Every minute at work is filled with work (no time for procrastinating!), every minute at home is filled with consoling Dovie, taking care of Dovie, playing with Dovie, and (when I am lucky) sleeping. I am just hoping that some of the time spent consoling can be redirected towards playing and sleeping soon. Preferably, very soon.
11 comments:
don't worry about us. we're here when you need it. it does get easier, eventually. though the little being sick..so far its still breaks my heart.
don't feel guilty about taking time for yourself. it makes you a better mom.
It's good to hear your bloggy voice! I hope things start getting easier and less hectic soon. Hang in there!
*hugs* it's a pity we can't help each other out virtually to get a couple hours more sleep every now and then.
That's the drawback of moving someplace new with no relatives and good friend close by... If you really don't have anybody who can support you, could you hire a (quality!) nanny for one night a month or so so that you can catch up on sleep?
What scientistmother said. You have a free pass to be as absent as you need to be, until you need us again
It's good to hear from you, but sick baby sounds so not fun. Not that I have experience with this all (yet), but I think SM and JaneB are right. The time you need for yourself is so important to take, both at work and away from blogging. Take care of yourself... (((hugs)))
I hope little Dovie is feeling better. Little T is sick right now and of course Mr. T is out of town and I find myself falling further and further behind. We are in a similar situation where we don't have family nearby to help. He is taking off tomorrow when he gets back in town so I can catch up on writing and have a meeting with my adviser. As far as the guilt goes, try to let it go (easier said than done - I need to tell myself this!). After weeks like this I feel bad that I really need just a few hours to get away and hopefully be productive. But I've come to realize that although I am mom first, I still have other roles that make me who I am. Without an outlet I'm not my best at the "mom" (or wife/companion) role. So the guilt is totally normal. I remember the time you are going through being the hardest adjustment for me so hang in there!
So sorry to hear Dovey has been sick. Such little babies shouldn't have to get sick. I hope it's nothing serious.
The beauty of rss is that you can take all the time you need between posts and we'll still be here when you return. Hang in there.
Hope you're all getting better. Don't worry about this place, and take care of yourself as well! It's necessary for Dovie. Good luck!
*Hugs.* Sorry about Dovie's sickness, and hope that all is going better as I write this now. During this time, you really must cut out all that isn't essential to your physical and mental survival (yeah, that means your bloggy friends, too, if need be!) We're here when you're ready to pick back up! Hugs to Dovie and take care of yourself!!
I hope by now, things are going much better! I just recently found time to attempt to get back into blogging and commenting, which is why this comment is super late. Anyway. I just wanted to check in and see how things are going with you.
I too am pretty exhausted. The transition back to work was really hard at first. I felt like my brain was broken, but I think I'm finally getting back to my old self, at least at work.
I hope everything is well. I've got you in my rss feed, so no worries.
SM - thanks! It is getting easier, especially since Dovie is feeling well! I am working on the guilt thing, but it is darn difficult!
Karina - thanks for the encouragement!
Fia - the sleep situation is improving some, although I think Dovie knows when I am going to go to work and wakes up more on those nights! The weird thing is that I can hear Dovie's cry even if she is on the far end of our home, so sadly Hubby's attempts to let me sleep only sort of help while he can sleep through almost everything.
JaneB - thanks, and glad you are still here!
Micro Dr.O - yes, sick baby is quite a challenge. We had a few really rough weeks, and now when Dovie has a rough evening, I afterward wonder how we survived those several weeks! But we got through it, and I am sure we'll get through it again as needed. Thanks for the encouragement!
TigerMomPhD - I am trying to tell myself to not feel guilty, especially as I am a more attentive mom because I get those work "breaks." It's a perpetual shortage of time though: I wish I would spend more day-time with Dovie, and I wish I was able to not fall so behind on work. I think this may be here to stay. Sigh. Thanks for your kind words.
EGF - it wasn't very serious, but enough to make her cry all the time, and it took awhile to figure out how to help her. We are on top of things now, and hoping she will grow out of it.
Stepwise girl - thanks for your kind words!
The Bean-Mom - thanks! We've trimmed a lot and got through this somehow; not sure when we'll start adding things back in, but we are breathing easier by now!
MicrobiologistXX - glad to hear you are adjusting well! My experience with work has been very similar; Dovie's sickness threw us for a loop though. But by now I feel somewhat productive, and hopefully things will only get better from now on! (It's funny how everything is proportional to the amount of sleep one gets...)
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